![]() ![]() This trait can be seen regularly in online spaces which are filled with armchair amateur psychologists who diagnose others with narcissism. This is because of the defences which are employed in narcissism, which act always to protect the person from the reality of their lack of an integrated sense of self. This projection of the shadow self (that which cannot be seen in the self is only ever seen in others) is a delusional state of mind which is seen clinically when the person with narcissistic personality disorder finds it impossible to understand the diagnosis. One of the strange things about narcissists is their tendency to believe that everyone else is a narcissist and they are normal. It is the diminishing of all others into meaningless minions which gives away the narcissist and this which ultimately means that there can be no real movement forward in terms of giving help. This can happen in an instant should the narcissistic wound be activated through opposing ideas and beliefs or through refusal to act and react on the narcissists terms. There are no boundaries in the narcissists house, just a whole mess of nebulous desires waiting to be filled.Ī narcissist is revealed when the wind changes and the true nature of their projections upon the other become apparent. Children need their parents to be wholly focused upon their developing needs and to be able to provide appropriate boundaries as they grow older. When children are rendered into beings to feed the needs of their parent, the narcissistic march continues through the generations. ![]() In others I have witnessed parents blame their children for not providing them with the support for their desires in life. In some cases I have seen narcissistic parents tell their children how useless and wicked they are for not being obedient. If there is no control then there is nothing for the narcissist to use to uphold the defences and so the child must be demonised. This is why removal of children from parents with such personality disorder often leads to the narcissistic parent walking away. A narcissistic parent will often appear to be wholly invested in their child only to simply lose interest in them if they can no longer control the child and manipulate them to provide the supply of devotion and obedience which is required of them. The tragedy for the children of narcissistic parents is that they were never valued for themselves but only for what they can bring to the table of the narcissist in terms of feeding their needs. This is a way for the narcissist to preserve their sense of themselves as being wholly in the right with a sense of purity of mind and intention, whilst others who challenge the narcissistic world view become devalued and demonised, cast out into the wilds as being beneath. In fact narcissistic personality disorder diagnosis includes splitting as a core defence mechanism. This is how narcissism is similar to the psychological splitting which is seen in children. For the narcissist it is their way or the highway and there is absolutely no in between. This effectively puts a stop to any kind of interaction which allows for two people to hold different ideas. In fact, rather than getting to the place where another point of view becomes apparent, narcissistic rage is triggered as a defence. The narcissists nightmare is not to be the centre of attention and to find themselves in a place where they are required to see another point of view. When the narcissist feels that the game is not being played in the way which best benefits their needs, a shift in the wind follows close behind. For anyone who is involved with a narcissist in any capacity, knowing that the warmth and charm masks rage and vindictiveness, is a critical level of awareness. When the attention is focused upon them all is well, should the attention shift away to the needs and experiences of others, the howling black void which is being defended against, makes itself known and rage surges up as a defence. For the narcissist, the whole world begins and ends with how they feel and whether or not they are receiving the attention they feel that they deserve. ![]() This absorption is total and not just the self indulgent symptoms of a society which is concerned with how we look to others online and elsewhere. An absorption with the self is a classic trait of narcissism. ![]()
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